Tag Archives: Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood

I need a sign

Why do perfect strangers think it’s o.k. to ask questions about my pregnancy? When are you due? Is this your first?  I think I’ll pull my hair out if one more person asks me if this is my first pregnancy.   I’m thinking of getting a t-shirt made with ‘No, this isn’t my first pregnancy.  My first child is named Alexander and he died in December 2008. Now, back off and stop asking me questions.’  The sign may seem a little harsh but I’m so tired of strangers asking questions.  Why can’t they  just leave me alone and let me enjoy my pregnancy.

Since losing Alexander, I have definitely become more sensitive.  Questions I thought were innocent before can now cause a deep wound.  It has also made me realize that you just never know what a person’s situation is or what they’re going through at any given time.  So, it might be better to wait and let them take the lead in what they want to share.

Another birthday has come and gone

Since Alexander passed, the first week of May has been difficult for me. This year was no different. Alexander’s 4th birthday was May 3 followed quickly by Mother’s Day a few days later.

I didn’t want to see or talk to anyone on Alexander’s birthday so spent the day alone in quiet reflection looking at his pictures and videos. When Dan got home from work, we went to the cemetery and released 4 balloons.

On Mother’s Day, Dan and I visited a local sculpture park. We had a nice lunch and walk through the park while talking about Alexander and life. It was a little hard to see the park full of families with their young children but I’m glad we went.

I recently bought myself a charm necklace.  The sterling silver charm includes Alexander’s name below a raised heart.  I love it and wear it almost every day.  I find myself rubbing it constantly throughout the day whenever I think about Alexander.

I wish he was here now to give me a big hug.