Monthly Archives: May 2009

Making it through the firsts

The week since Alexander’s birthday has been a difficult one for me. Mother’s Day was exactly one week after his birthday.  Having to deal with those two firsts without Alexander took an emotional toll on me. I feel so exhausted and drained all the time. Like it takes every bit of energy I have just to make it through the day.

I cry spontaneously at the smallest reminders of Alexander.  It could be something on tv or looking at a photo that brings back waves of emotion that overtake me.

I had a call with other SUDC moms last night.  We’re all in different places in our grief journey but I think the conversation was helpful to us all.  

I had to tell someone else about Alexander this week.  I try to prepare myself in advance for these conversations because there are certain people I know won’t know about our loss.  Just as prepared as I think I am to be able to say Alexander passed in December without breaking down, I always end up in tears.  I think because it’s still so hard for me to believe, it’s still hard for me to say.

I miss you Alexander.

May 3 – Alexander’s 2nd Birthday

 

Today is Alexander’s 2nd birthday. 

It’s such a sad time for me because I’ve really been missing Alexander all day.

We marked this special day with a park dedication in Alexander’s honor.  Our neighborhood has a tot lot where the younger kids play. Alexander learned to slide in this play area and enjoyed the time we spent there.  When some of our neighbors presented us with the idea of renaming the tot lot for Alexander, we thought it was a great way to keep his memory alive. Our neighbors did all the work (contacting the mayor’s office, going to city council meetings, etc.) of making it happen.  My only request was that we hold the dedication on his birthday. I’m happy to say it all worked out.  Despite the rainy day, many of our friends and family showed up for the ceremony.

Alexander Michael Dodson Memorial Tot Lot

This is the sign you see as you enter the Alexander Michael Dodson Memorial Tot Lot

 

There were also three trees planted near the tot lot area for Alexander.

 

Beautiful rosebud trees planted for Alexander

Beautiful rosebud trees planted for Alexander

 

 

Following the ceremony, we had lunch with Dan’s family.  Since I had been planning a Cinco de Mayo themed birthday party for Alexander this year, we decided to have Mexican.  After a filling lunch, we headed to the cemetery to visit Alexander.

 

Balloon release during the dedication ceremony.

Balloons released during the dedication ceremony.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The balloons we released for Alexander during the tot lot dedication.

The balloons we released for Alexander during the tot lot dedication.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The past several days leading up to Alexander’s birthday have been hard on us.  Both Dan and I have had some weepy days.  We can’t just believe our baby isn’t here with us.  

Dan has been looking for about a year for the “perfect” new car.  The two requests I had for the car was that it needed to have a back seat for Alexander and that I wouldn’t mind being seen in it.  On Friday night, we went into New York City to see a car.  Dan is really into electric cars these days and has shown me some real doozies I wouldn’t be caught riding in even if I was heavily disguised.  However, the Tesla Model S, I do like.

Unfortunately, because of the rain, the Tesla folks were packing up the car when we arrived.  We did get a glimpse of it and Dan was able to ask the salesperson some questions.  Going in to see the car was a little sad. Being able to accommodate Alexander was the big reason to get a family sedan and now he isn’t here with us to share the car.

The car “show” was at The Plaza Hotel so we decided to have a drink at the Oak Bar.  I’ve never been to this landmark establishment but Dan visited years ago.  The bar is beautiful.  Our service started a little slow but we enjoyed a nice evening of cocktails and appetizers.  We even got a free dessert that was absolutely delicious!

It’s been a long and exhausting week.  Dan and I really appreciate all the support we’ve received during these very difficult last 4 months and especially today on Alexander’s birthday.