Nightmares and Dreams

I awoke early this morning from the most horrible nightmare.  I dreamed that we had another child and I caused his death because of my overprotectiveness.  In my dream I was so afraid of what happened to Alexander happening to another child that I tried to keep him safe from everything and only ended up causing harm.  Everyone was accusing me of being an awful mother and said that I didn’t deserve to have a child.  I couldn’t get the images out of my head all morning.

I know I was a good mother to Alexander but I can’t help feeling what if I had done just one thing differently.

I’m still waiting to wake up from this horrible dream that has become my life.

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