Why is that when a group of women are talking, one of the first questions is “Do you have any children?” Is this all a woman is supposed to be? Being Alexander’s mom was/is the best role in life I could ever have but it’s not the sum of my being.
I was recently volunteering at an event. Following the event, I was sitting with a few of the volunteers (all women) having lunch. At some point during the conversation, two of the women asked me (within minutes of each other) if I had any children. I felt like I was betraying Alexander when I said no but I didn’t feel like sharing my story with these women who I’d probably never see again.
As I was driving home, I realized that I’ve come to find the “Do you have any children” question very annoying and intrusive. I know people are just being polite and trying to make conversation but sometimes I feel like wearing a button that says DON”T ask me if I have any kids!
Since Alexander passed, the first week of May has been difficult for me. This year was no different. Alexander’s 4th birthday was May 3 followed quickly by Mother’s Day a few days later.
I didn’t want to see or talk to anyone on Alexander’s birthday so spent the day alone in quiet reflection looking at his pictures and videos. When Dan got home from work, we went to the cemetery and released 4 balloons.
On Mother’s Day, Dan and I visited a local sculpture park. We had a nice lunch and walk through the park while talking about Alexander and life. It was a little hard to see the park full of families with their young children but I’m glad we went.
I recently bought myself a charm necklace. The sterling silver charm includes Alexander’s name below a raised heart. I love it and wear it almost every day. I find myself rubbing it constantly throughout the day whenever I think about Alexander.
I wish he was here now to give me a big hug.