8 months today

Can it really be 8 months since Alexander passed?

I’ve made some progress in my grief journey but there are still many days that I struggle to get out of bed or find energy to get through the day.  I will always be just a bit sad without Alexander but am beginning to remember our times together without crying quite so much.

The postman delievered a package today.  He’s not the guy who delivers our regular mail just Priority Mail or Overnight packages.  When he handed me the box he asked about Alexander.  ‘Where’s the baby?  He must be getting big and running around now. I haven’t seen you walking with him in a while.’  So, I had to tell him the sad news.  Just goes to show you never know who’s watching you.

The day wasn’t all sad.  I needed to get out the house so I went to get my hair done.  I went to the mall across the bridge since it’s not a place Alexander and I went often.  Since this was the first time I’d been at this salon, I expected the usual get to you know you questions from the hair stylist: are you married, have any children, etc.

I braced myself and when she asked, it was actually an easy exchange.  I told her yes I was married and that our son passed away in December.  She expressed her sympathy and apologized for asking.  She surprised me when she began to ask questions (how old? was he sick?).  I was further surprised when I answered her questions without crying.  We chatted about Alexander and I shared the bookmark from the funeral service.  She read every word.  Being a hair stylist, one of the first things she noted about Alexander was the hair.  Everyone loves his hair.  Our interaction could have gone much differently and I really appreciate the kindness she showed me today.

I miss Alexander and wish he was here with me.

2 responses to “8 months today

  1. Isn’t unbelievable how the time passes? One moment it feels like it was just yesterday and another moment it feels like it’s been a lifetime.

    I’m glad you were able to talk with the hairdresser about Alexander today. Even if you had cried, I’m sure you can look back on sharing with her, as another way to keep Alexander’s memory alive. I’m sure she won’t take his story lightly and imagine she’ll share Alexander with at least on other person and so his legacy goes on.

    I hope each day brings some additional comfort and that your memories stay alive in your heart!

  2. The passage of time IS confounding, isn’t it? I’ve thought about this a lot on my own journey, and while it may not be the case for everyone who has lost a child, I think part of the reason why time moves slowly — in some ways — is because we are noting every “milestone” of our own time, in our distraught state, and, especially, because life just feels so wrong, without our babies, for having endured what no one should endure. It
    takes a VERY long time to find the new normal, but that new normal does come. It certainly doesn’t make anything right. It just lifts the fog.

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