Grieving of a different sort

Had she lived, my sister would have been 36 years old yesterday.  I hadn’t consciously thought about her birthdate in a while, but when I opened my eyes yesterday, it was the first thing that popped into my mind.

Connie Vonetta Emerson, born August 24, 1973, passed away on August 9, 1983 from complications related to lupus.

For many years, I used to get very sad around the time Connie passed.  It took me a while to figure out what was happening, but when I did, it made perfect sense to me.  Though we only got to spend 9 years (almost 10) together, my sister and I were pretty close.

Unfortunately, I’ve lost most of my memories of my sister.  Once the funeral was over, my parents never again took me to her grave and we rarely talked about her in our house.  Even now when I say her name out loud, it feels odd to me. Almost like she’s a stranger I’m struggling to remember.

I know I will never forget Alexander and I don’t want others to forget him either.  I think that fear is one of the reasons I write.  I want everyone to know about my sweet, loving, happy little boy and feel a long lasting connection to him.  I only wish I had that connection to my sister.  A connection beyond the knowledge that I have a sister named Connie Vonetta Emerson and my few memories of us together.

So, while I still grieve everyday for Alexander, I also grieve the fact I can’t remember more about my sister.

2 responses to “Grieving of a different sort

  1. Wow- I can’t imagine grieving a sibling who died so young. I’m assuming she was younger than you. How old were you when she died? I’m sorry that your parents didn’t keep her memory alive in such a way that would’ve helped your grief as well as helped them too. People often think that acting okay and like it didn’t happen will make it feel that way. Thankfully you’re doing all you can to remember Alexander and keep his memory alive.
    Blessings!

  2. Hi Michelle,
    I want you to know that I always read your posts. I am deeply sorry about Alexander, having little boys (Michael, the oldest very close in age with Alexander) I can’t imagine my life without them. I’m writing now because I read your younger sister passed away years ago…I had gone through this in April of 2007…my 1 1/2 years younger sister died of hodkings (lymphoma cancer), we were very close and there is not one day that I don’t think of her. You and everybody else will always remember Alexander and all the happy times spent with him. Take care,

    Tatiana

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