What Is Normal Now

Another SUDC mom posted this and I thought it was a good thing to share.

Following are excerpts from an article by Vicki Windham of the North Platte, Nebraska, Chapter of Compassionate Friends.  I changed a few things to reflect my normal.

Normal for me is trying to decide what to take to the cemetery for Christmas, Alexander’s birthday, Valentine’s Day, Easter, etc.

Normal is sitting at the computer crying, sharing how I feel with chat buddies who have also lost a child.

Normal is having tears waiting behind every smile when I realize Alexander is missing from all the important events in my life.

Normal is not sleeping well because a thousand what if’s and why didn’t I’s go through my head constantly.

Normal is turning the TV on the minute I walk into the house to have noise because the silence is deafening.

Normal is every happy event in my life always being backed up with sadness lurking close behind because of the hole in my heart.

Normal is telling the story of Alexander’s passing as if it were an everyday common place activity and then gasping in horror at how awful it sounds. And yet realizing it has become part of our normal.

Normal is coming up with how to honor Alexander’s memory and birthday and survive those days.

Normal is a new friendship with another grieving mother and crying over our children and our new lives.

Normal is being too tired to care if I paid the bills, cleaned house, did laundry, or if there is any food in the house.

Normal is hiding all the things that have become normal for me to feel, so that everyone around me will think that I am “normal”.

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