9 Months

How can time be moving forward and standing still at the same time? Today, makes 9 months that I’ve had to live without Alexander.

We were at the home of friends last night.  At one point, Dan and I were the only adults in the living room while the other couples were touring the house and their children were running around.  Dan looked at me and said, “Alexander would be talking now”. He’s right.

When I see 2 year olds, I often wonder what milestones Alexander would be achieving now.  How many words would he know?  How would he be doing with potty training?

Dan is playing in a tennis tournament today.  He played in this same tournament last year and Alexander and I were there to cheer him on. Dan’s team didn’t make it to the finals but we went to the finals and family celebration later in the afternoon.

Alexander was fascinated by a golf cart around the corner from our table and would go running to it every time we looked away from him. We were sitting with another couple and their daughter.  She got quite a workout running to get Alexander every time he got away from us.  He really enjoyed the game they were playing.

It was a happy day and it makes me too sad to attend the event without him.  So, I won’t be going this afternoon.

Our house was taped for a show on HGTV 2 years ago and the episode was aired today.  Alexander was part of the taping.  I didn’t have the strength to watch it today.  I did save to the DVR so hopefully, I’ll be able to watch it sometime in the near future.

I’m feeling sad, lost and out of sorts.  I so wish Alexander was here.

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