I was attending a recruiting session for one of my volunteer organizations last night. We’re hosting several of these meetings over the next couple of weeks. At the time, there were four women in the room so we’re all part of the same conversation which eventually turned to children.
Since the other two women had spoken of their children, I knew the prospective new member would ask me the unavoidable question: Do you have any children? While the others were chatting, I was going back and forth in my mind what I would say. Sensing the unavoidable questions was about to happen, I got up to refill my glass. Just as I did, she asked. In the seconds it took me to turn around, I heard the word “no” tumble from my lips.
I felt like I was betraying Alexander by saying no but I just didn’t have the strength for “the look” that would happen if I told her my story. I know I shouldn’t feel badly. In my heart, Alexander is and always will be my child. However, I’m still struggling with my response today.
I hope you don’t feel badly, still, about your answer. It’s okay to decide when and where, and to whom, to discuss your loss. It’s your heart, and you don’t have to expose it, if you
don’t want to. You haven’t betrayed your baby; you decided to not discuss him casually, because you cannot be casual about what happened. I think it’s okay to withhold that info from people you may not see again, or think you’ll be friendly with. If you wind up seeing each other regularly, or develop a friendship, you can tell her then.