While others have been eagerly awaiting the holiday week, I’ve been feeling nothing but dread. It’s definitely been a long and emotional time for me. I needed to remind myself each morning of the day of the week.
Sunday, December 20 was one year since Alexander left us. Dan and I slept late. Neither of us wanting to wake to the day that a year ago changed our lives so radically. While nothing can make us forget Alexander or our pain, we distracted ourselves by playing lots of Wii and reading. We also talked about Alexander during the day. Surprisingly, the anticipation of the one year anniversary was harder on me than the day itself. Maybe, it’s because I felt so numb.
Due to the heavy snow, the gates were locked at the cemetery and we were unable to visit Alexander’s grave today. Dan suggested “breaking in” but I didn’t want to do that. The cemetery is Alexander’s final resting place for his physical body but he’s not there. I carry Alexander with me at all times so while I was disappointed we weren’t able to get in, I was ok.
Monday, December 21 was one year and one day since Alexander left us. Still feeling numb.
Tuesday, December 22 was another day in my journey through grief.
Wednesday, December 23 – On this date a year ago, we buried Alexander. It was and continues to be the second worst day in my life. Dan and I went to the cemetery and then to a movie. We finished the evening by going out to dinner. Again.
Thursday, December 24 – Isn’t Christmas over yet? For those of us not in the Christmas mood, this one day holiday seems to go on forever.
Two of my most loved holiday movies were on this evening: It’s A Wonderful Life and White Christmas. I couldn’t bear to watch either.
Friday, December 25 was another day of distractions. I don’t think I can face the cheerfulness of the outside world. I read and watched tv all day. As it turns out, December 25 is an excellent day to go out for dinner. There are no lines and service is fast. We went to a Malaysian/Thai restaurant near our home where several others had the same idea.
Saturday, December 26 and I’m starting to emerge a bit from the fog of the week. I’ve spent the entire day vegging out at home. I did manage to workout while Dan was at the movies. It’s out to dinner again for us tonight.
Sunday, December 27 and another week begins…