Daily Archives: February 18, 2009


I took my car in for service yesterday.  The last time I was at this dealership for service to the Pilot, Alexander was with me.  When he wasn’t playing with the cars in the corner (the dealership has a small play area with a rug and a car track), he was walking around the waiting room.  At one point, he decided it was good idea to have a little “fit” and lay down on the floor. Thankfully, we were only in for an oil change and didn’t have to wait that long.  Alexander was only at the dealership with me once so it wasn’t difficult for me to be there.

I feel like I’m hearing more sirens these days or maybe I’m just paying more attention.  I’ve always been good and pulled over whenever I hear/see emergency vehicles.  Lately, they have a different effect on me.  When I hear them, I wonder who they’re trying to save today.  When I hear them, I think about what things must have been like the morning of December 20, 2008.  Since I wasn’t here, I can only imagine what was happening to Alexander based on what Dan tells me.  Led by a police escort, I can see the ambulance racing down the street to get my baby to the hospital.  Did they think he had a chance?

I had  a couple of upsetting conversations yesterday.  Despite my being very clear about how I feel, some people still insist on telling me that Alexander is in a better place and one day I’ll understand God’s plan for him.  One person even said to me that he’s probably in heaven playing a harp.  I’m so tired of being trying to impose their beliefs on me.  Not that I would wish my current pain on anyone, I want to know how comforted those same people would feel by those words if they were in my situation?