Daily Archives: February 28, 2009

Just Another Saturday in February

We had our first appointment with the new therapist yesterday.  It was only the first session, but I think this person is a better fit for us than the other therapist we saw right after Alexander’s passing.  There were a few times during the session, I thought she would cry.  I want her to remain objective but it’s good to know she has a real compassionate side.  We’ll see how it goes.

Dan went skiing with his brother and nephews for the day so I was left on my own today.  I decided to reschedule my spa services that were originally planned for that day.  I thought if I could just relax for a couple of hours, I could escape from  my pain for a little while.  Not 5 minutes into my massage, I started to shed tears as I began to think about Alexander.  Thankfully, the room was dimmed and the masseuse didn’t see what was happening.    Even though I continued to think about Alexander, I was able to relax enough to appreciate the rest of my massage and my nail treatments. Well, that is until the nail technician asked me if I had any kids.  I hesistated for a moment.  Do I tell her my situation or not?  I told her yes, I do have a child but he passed away in December.  She offered her condolences and quickly moved on to other topics.

I ran a few more errands before visiting Alexander and finally heading home.  Once I got home, I didn’t know what to do with myself.  Sure, I had laundry to fold or I could work on taxes, but I wanted mommy duties.  I spent 19 1/2 months taking care of Alexander (or making sure he was taken care if I wasn’t around) and now that I don’t have those same mommy tasks, I sometimes find myself at a loss as to what to do with my time.

I miss Alexander so much and his passing still seems so unreal to me.