Life Sucks

Life really sucks.  Because it was a sunny afternoon yesterday, I spent some time sitting in our backyard.  This time last year, we were scrambling to get the backyard done in time for Alexander’s 1st birthday party.  Yesterday, all I could was cry as I looked around the backyard and relived so many of the fun times we had out there.

I could see Alexander pushing his wagon during his birthday party because he wasn’t walking yet.  He could take a few steps but still needed help.  I could see him pulling up the stakes from my tomato plants and me getting frustrated every time.  I could see him playing with his water table or splashing around his baby pool.  Or, running through sprinkler when we’d water the grass.  I could see him throwing and chasing tennis balls.  I could see him dipping chips in salsa when we’d eat outside.   I could see playing host to the other kids when we hosted one night of the neighborhood ice cream socials last summer.  I could see my curious little boy being so happy exploring the backyard.  We spent a lot of time back there and I have so many wonderful memories.  Too many to list.

I often say to people that getting the backyard done was Alexander’s 1st birthday present from us.  While it’s still a little sad for me to be in the backyard without Alexander, especially as the weather gets warmer, I do feel close to him when I’m sitting out there.