Making it through the firsts

The week since Alexander’s birthday has been a difficult one for me. Mother’s Day was exactly one week after his birthday.  Having to deal with those two firsts without Alexander took an emotional toll on me. I feel so exhausted and drained all the time. Like it takes every bit of energy I have just to make it through the day.

I cry spontaneously at the smallest reminders of Alexander.  It could be something on tv or looking at a photo that brings back waves of emotion that overtake me.

I had a call with other SUDC moms last night.  We’re all in different places in our grief journey but I think the conversation was helpful to us all.  

I had to tell someone else about Alexander this week.  I try to prepare myself in advance for these conversations because there are certain people I know won’t know about our loss.  Just as prepared as I think I am to be able to say Alexander passed in December without breaking down, I always end up in tears.  I think because it’s still so hard for me to believe, it’s still hard for me to say.

I miss you Alexander.

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