5 months today

Five months ago my life changed beyond belief.  Five months and one day ago was the last time I saw Alexander smile.  Five months and one day ago was the last time I heard him say mommy and give me a hug. Five months and one day ago was the last time I saw him running around our house.

It’s been a tough day for me.  I didn’t have errands I had to do today so I spent my day in tears in front of the tv.  I didn’t cry all day but I shed a lot of tears.

I did spend part of the day educating myself and listened to videos about computer programming.  I was trying to enhance my mind for my business. Because they force me to focus, I think it’ll be good for me to watch these videos at least an hour or two every day.  

The only time I got out of the house today was when I went to visit Alexander.  I sat on the ground and just talked to him.  As I was visiting Alexander’s graveside, I noticed how much the tree above him had grown.  In the winter months, it was barely noticeable, but now it’s a beautiful green umbrella protecting my child.

Dan has been traveling this week and got home this evening.  After I picked him up from the train station, we went out for dinner.  We did ok with spending an evening out and talking to whomever happened to be at the country club.

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