Thanksgiving week is usually one of my favorite weeks of the year because I get to celebrate Thanksgiving (my favorite holiday) and my birthday. I usually only do something big for my birthday every 5 years and otherwise, I’d just go out for a nice dinner. However, this year the thought of celebrating my birthday when Alexander didn’t even get to celebrate his second just made me too sad to even want to go out for dinner. The best gift everyone could give me this year was to let the day pass without mention.
I know I should be thankful for the things I have: good health, cozy home, family and friends who care about me, etc. I’m missing Alexander and not feeling so thankful. Instead, I’m feeling angry, sad, and depressed.
As the holiday season kicks into high gear, I wonder how I’ll survive the next few weeks. All around us people are putting up their Christmas trees and shopping for presents. I’m just trying to figure out what I’ll do for the first anniversary of Alexander’s passing. I wish I could avoid Christmas this year but I can’t. It’s everywhere.
Dan and I have decided to seclude ourselves at home during the second half of December. He’s planning to work on a small renovation project and I’ll probably do some work on my website.