Snow is bringing me down

Life has been busy lately.  I’ve found myself really having to juggle to feel like I’m staying on top of everything.  Through it all, my thoughts of Alexander remain foremost in my mind.  Some days my Alexander thoughts bring me comfort as I remember all the joy and laughter he brought to my life.  Other days, like today, the sadness overtakes me and I can’t stop the flow of tears.

I watched a couple of Alexander videos this morning because I needed to see him happy and hear his voice.  They just made me miss him even more.

This Sunday is Valentine’s Day.  Alexander only got to celebrate one. I get so sad when I think of the many firsts that he will never get to celebrate a second time. I think this combined with the mounds of snow surrounding us really has me down.  The snow makes me think about trip to Killington and taking Alexander on his first sled rides and knowing that he would have such fun with the powdery stuff outside now.

I find myself stuck in that place where I feel if I stop thinking and talking about Alexander so much, people will forget him.  Yet, if I don’t move forward just a little, I feel like my heartache will crush me.  I’m not sure why I need others to remember him because he’ll always be a part of me.

I have a meeting in a couple of hours so need to pull myself together to face the day.