I need a sign

Why do perfect strangers think it’s o.k. to ask questions about my pregnancy? When are you due? Is this your first?  I think I’ll pull my hair out if one more person asks me if this is my first pregnancy.   I’m thinking of getting a t-shirt made with ‘No, this isn’t my first pregnancy.  My first child is named Alexander and he died in December 2008. Now, back off and stop asking me questions.’  The sign may seem a little harsh but I’m so tired of strangers asking questions.  Why can’t they  just leave me alone and let me enjoy my pregnancy.

Since losing Alexander, I have definitely become more sensitive.  Questions I thought were innocent before can now cause a deep wound.  It has also made me realize that you just never know what a person’s situation is or what they’re going through at any given time.  So, it might be better to wait and let them take the lead in what they want to share.

One response to “I need a sign

  1. Michelle,
    We don’t know each other personally, but I know “of you” through a fellow Junior League member in a sister League here in Jersey.
    I’m sorry that you have to endure the endless questions from strangers. You are right… these strangers mean well. Because a pending birth is a joyous occasion, I believe that often time, people want to share in your happiness by asking the traditional questions about your due date and whether you have other children.
    Yet, I realize how those intrusive questions (though well intended, and whether from friends or strangers) can be hurtful. I don’t have children of my own, mainly because, though I’m now in my late 40s, the “Mr. Right” has not found me. That said, I often get two sets of questions: one about the husband many people assume I have (with some folks being bold enough to ask why I haven’t married), and the other about children. There are times that both questions cut like a sharp knife going through my heart.
    While I haven’t experienced what you and Dan have with Alexander going to heaven way too soon, I know what it’s like to lose both parents way too soon. Death of a loved one is something you never get over; you simply learn to live with it over time. Suffering is a part of life, and there are no explanations for why some suffer more than others or why things we feel should happen do happen. I’m a Christian, so I hope one day (in the next life), I can get those questions answered.
    When I get questions from people who, well-intended, ask about my mother (who died 13 years ago) and my father (who died 47 years ago), I usually say, “They are with me in spirit. They are both in Heaven, now.” During my mother’s many years as a public school teacher, there were some instances in which one of her students died unexpectedly. One family handled it in this way: When they would describe their family, they always referred to the youngest daughter, who died when she was 6, as their “heaven child”. Her sisters, to this day (over 20 years later) describe her as their “heaven sister”.
    I hope this helps in some small way. I apologize for writing more than I planned. 🙂
    Just an FYI: There’s a stray “e” (between the m & b) in your link for this site, on your FB page.

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