Today is November 25, 2010. Thanksgiving Day and my 40th birthday. My life certainly isn’t where I thought it’d be at this point.
We had been planning to take a trip to France for my 40th and introduce Alexander to Europe. Dan asked me if I still wanted to take the trip. As much as I’ve wanted to explore France’s champagne region, I just couldn’t do it. I know I would spend so much time missing Alexander that it wouldn’t be a good trip for either of us. We did celebrate with a few friends over the weekend and the party was nice. It was a few hours to focus on me and not think about my sadness at not being able to mark this milestone in my life with Alexander. Now, I don’t want to be reminded that today is my birthday. That I’m a year older. That I’ve entered a new decade. That my life isn’t where it’s supposed to be.
Recently, Dan and I went to grab a bite at a local restaurant. It’s one of the those neighborhood places where the bartenders know your name and you’ll likely run into several people you know. As we entered, someone across the bar waved hello. In a low voice, his date said, ‘Oh, they’re without the baby’. He quickly responded to her, ‘They’re the ones…’. You know the rest.
I guess Dan and I have become “those people”. Those people that people whisper about and feel sorry for because something has gone so wrong in their life. Things don’t get any worse than your child dying. I never thought we’d be one of those people but here we are.
I miss Alexander so much and especially on days like today.
Alexander’s Run Update – We had our first Alexander’s Run on October 30. It was a wonderful day in celebration of Alexander and all the other children lost to SUDC. In addition to an amazing planning committee, we received support from many volunteers, sponsors and runners/walkers. We’re definitely planning to do it again.