I’ve really been missing Alexander so I spent a little time today (or I guess technically, yesterday) watching his videos just so I could hear his sweet, little voice.  Why did this have to happen to one so young and innocent?

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  1. It is interesting, we did the same thing this weekend, but the videos were of Ryan and Luke’s mommy. You and I have are on different sides of a similar tragedy. I think you must know this but my Patrick’s first wife died from breast cancer at age 33. Ryan was 4 1/2 and Luke was 2 1/2 when she passed away. I met Patrick when I was working for the American Cancer Society and I help him set up a fund in Tammy’s name. We met a very short time after she passed and our friendship turned into love. The most amazing part of this love was that it also brought me my first two sons whom I adopted after we were married in 2006. The hardest part is that Ry and Luke were very very sad little boys when I met them. Losing your mother at that age is as unexplainable as losing a child, there is just no explaining the unbelievable sadness and the ultimate question of “why?”. Once in a while we watch movies of her and although Luke really enjoys it because he no longer has memories of his own so this is his main connection to her, it is very upsetting for Ryan to even hear her voice much less see her. It is a difficult dynamic between the two and where they are in this journey of pain. The boys are now very happy little boys on a day to day basis but when Mommy is brought up there is a definite shift to a sad place. There is no point in sharing this story other than I thought it was interesting that we were having a similar experience in our household on the same day. I watch my children laugh and play and they are doing well in school but I know that sadness is still there and I wish there was a way to make it go away. Just the pain, not the memories.

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