Our neighborhood hosts an egg hunt during Easter weekend. Last year, along with some other moms in the neighborhood, I helped to decorate 6 dozen or so eggs for the hunt. We didn’t go to the hunt because Alexander wasn’t walking yet and I didn’t want him to get trampled by the other kids racing to get the eggs. This year, I was looking forward to decorating eggs with Alexander and taking him to the hunt. Much like he enjoyed decorating Christmas cookies, I know he would have enjoyed coloring eggs and seeing him “hunt” for eggs would have been so much fun. I didn’t decorae eggs for the hunt this year, but I did give them 2 dozen treat-filled (candy, whistles, parachuting bunny, etc.) plastic eggs.
Last year, Dan, Alexander and I went to country for Easter brunch. This year, Dan and I have discussed making a lamb stew. He’s supposed to go fishing with a friend today so I’ll probably go get the ingredients and then throw everything into a crockpot. It’ll simmer all day and be ready when Dan gets home this evening.
Last year. This year. How could my life have gone so wrong in such a short time?
Last night, Dan told me he’s never going to watch the movie the Ten Commandments again. It is (was) one of Dan’s favorite movies. When he flipped to it last night, it had just been ordered that all firstborn, male children be killed. Not something that someone who’s recently lost their firstborn, male child wants to see. I won’t say that I’ll never watch the movie again but it’s going to be a while.
I’ve been missing Alexander so much this weekend. I watched some videos of him last night because I wanted to hear his sweet little voice.
This journey through grief is so hard.