Losing a piece of myself

I was watching tv tonight and saw the preview for a show being aired later in the week.  I’m a fan of crime dramas but won’t be watching this particular episode because it involves a missing child.  One line of the preview definitely made me tear up: Losing a child is like losing a piece of yourself. 

I’ve experienced a swirl of emotions the past few days and I can say that I feel a big piece of me is gone forever. 

I miss my baby so much and wish he was here.

I’m going to Atlanta tomorrow for a few days to attend a conference. Part of me is looking forward to the conference.  The other part of me is so sad because I won’t be able to visit Alexander each day.  I know I carry him with me everywhere I go but his graveside represents his final resting place.  I usually end up in tears when I go but somehow I’m strangely comforted at the same time.

One response to “Losing a piece of myself

  1. Hi Michelle – I could ask that loaded question, “how are you?” but I think I already know your answer. I’m so sorry!!! I hope your conference in Atlanta goes well – is it work-related or something to do with SUDC or grief. We’re attending a grief conf. this w/e. Have you checked out M.E.N.D. (Mothers Experiencing Neonatal Death)? I think they’re in your area. Or The Compassionate Friends? It’s great you’re seeing a counselor, as hard as it is to accept why you’re going. Someone told me after Felicity died that when you’re pregnant, parts of baby’s cells mix with yours (not sure of the technicality of this) and so Alexander IS always with you. He is a part of you, just as you are a part of him. Having a child is like having your heart walk around outside your body for the rest of your life. That’s hard, but it’s even harder when your heart is in Heaven and you’re still on earth.
    Praying for you!

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