When I went outside today, I was amazed by the winter wonderland I saw. I immediately thought I wish Alexander was here to enjoy the snow and some sledding at Cadwalader Park. We would have had so much fun.
Now that Dan is back to work, he has to start traveling again. He had his first overnight trip last night which means I had my first night alone. Even though I tried to keep myself busy, I couldn’t help but feel the emptiness of the house as the quietness of the past few weeks grew even louder.
Today was the first time I played tennis since December 16, 2008. Since my Tuesday tennis drills had been part of my usual routine with Alexander, I switched my drill day. The change in days didn’t help my game this afternoon. I was upset and crying as I drove to the tennis center because Alexander wasn’t with me. I couldn’t concentrate during the match because I I kept thinking about Alexander. I had to force myself to hold it together as the other women in the class discussed their kids. They were all very nice to this new, sullen person in their class. They had no idea what was going on with me and probably just thought I was really shy or just unfriendly.
Once the drill was over, I rushed out of the tennis center because I knew I was going to break down again. Alexander wasn’t walking out with me carrying my racquet (always helpful) and we weren’t going to have our weekly game of chase in the field before I got him in the car.
After running a couple of errands, I made my daily visit to Alexander.
Even though I really miss Alexander, I did manage to survive these firsts.