I was supposed to be at a conference this week.  Instead of Dan and Alexander coming to pick me up from the airport this morning, Dan and I went to Michael’s to find a Valentine’s wreath for Alexander’s grave.  Our favorite floral designer, Brenda ,was working and she was able to help us put together a small bouquet as well.  I would have much preferred spending today enjoying the beautiful weather hanging out in the park with Dan and Alexander.

With wreath and bouquet in hand, Dan and I stopped for lunch before heading back to Trenton.  The food was fine but it was hard looking around the room and seeing kids at various ages and thinking about the future we’re going to miss having with Alexander.   No Sunday afternoon lunch with his parents telling us about what’s going on at school. No teenage dates.  No hanging out with his college friends.

One of the projects we planned to do this year was to convert the open space on our second floor to a family room.  The space started life as what Dan affectionately called the “art library”.  Once Alexander started getting older, we quickly realized a family room would make a better use of the space so we’d have a comfortable place to hang out with him.  Even though he won’t be here in person to enjoy the family room with us, we’ve decided to move forward with the project.  We bought a couch yesterday for the room.  I was sitting on it this morning and I could easily see Alexander curled up next to me reading a book.

It’s just so hard not to have him here.

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