As I was visiting Alexander yesterday, I thought about how empty the cemetery always seems. I don’t expect there to be bustling crowds but I hardly ever see anyone else there even on the weekends. A few days ago, I did see three other cars visiting at the same time as me and that was a busy day.
After leaving the cemetery, I went to run a few errands. My first stop was the nail salon to get a manicure. I hadn’t gotten a manicure in several months so decided to treat myself to a “spa” manicure. It was nice to have a little pampering but by the time I got to my next stop, I remembered why I don’t often get manicures: I had already smudged a couple of nails. My nails were dry when I left the salon. I checked each and every one. Looking at them today, each nail has something wrong. I’ve either chipped or smudged the polish. In the future, I think I’ll just get clear polish.
Target was my next stop after getting my nails done. Seconds within walking into store, I heard a toddler say to his mom, ‘oh, no mommy’. I immediately thought about Alexander because “oh, no” was one of his favorite phrases. This is definitely something he would have said. I had already shed a few tears before walking into the store and hearing this didn’t help.
I managed to get through the rest of my shopping without incident.
Once I returned home, the afternoon went by ok before we headed to a neighbor’s early in the evening for dinner.
The day didn’t go by without incident for me. It was a terrible weekend. The worst for me since the first week. I’ve been angry.
I hate Best Buy for being a disreputable store. I just lost it at the Princeton store. I would have been angry at them for not allowing a return on a product that was missing parts, but being angry about missing Alexander escalated my emotion.
I’ve been angry all weekend.
Sometimes I just need somebody to hold me. I think I’m at that period that Jim Sachs warned me about. The point where it gets darker. I can’t stop crying.