Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse today, they did. I went by to visit Alexander’s grave this afternoon only to find the gates closed when I arrived. I was there at least an hour before they were due to close so I didn’t understand it and there was no sign.
I know I carry Alexander with me always and that his grave is just where his body rests. It was still like a knife to my heart to not be able to visit him today.
To make matters worse, the emergency room bill arrived today.
It was just a bad day all around.
While the rest of the world is watching as our nation inaugurates Barack Obama as our new President, I sit here sad and lonely as I mark the one month anniversary of Alexander’s passing. The past few days have been really tough for me. I go through the motions of life but I feel like I stopped living the moment I walked into the hospital on December 20, 2008, and saw Dan’s face. It was at that moment I realized my baby was gone.
I know the pain will ease in time and I’ll learn to live with it. I just can’t believe he’s not here with me watching the inauguration of the man he helped elect. Last November, when we went to vote in the election, Alexander went into the booth with me. I was holding him and trying to balance him while I was reading the ballot questions. Before I knew it, Alexander had reached down and pushed the button for Obama. Alexander loved pushing buttons and didn’t realize the importance of what he was doing and I just smiled.
Dan is back at work today.
Neither of us is having a good day.