The first month

While the rest of the world is watching as our nation inaugurates Barack Obama as our new President, I sit here sad and lonely as I mark the one month anniversary of Alexander’s passing.  The past few days have been really tough for me.  I go through the motions of life but I feel like I stopped living the moment I walked into the hospital on December 20, 2008, and saw Dan’s face.  It was at that moment I realized my baby was gone.

I know the pain will ease in time and I’ll learn to live with it.  I just can’t believe he’s not here with me watching the inauguration of the man he helped elect.  Last November, when we went to vote in the election, Alexander went into the booth with me.  I was holding him and trying to balance him while I was reading the ballot questions.  Before I knew it, Alexander had reached down and pushed the button for Obama. Alexander loved pushing buttons and didn’t realize the importance of what he was doing and I just smiled.

Dan is back at work today. 

Neither of us is having a good day.

One response to “The first month

  1. Michelle, I just found out from Jim that you were blogging. I just spent the last hour reading everything, and needless to say, I’ve been sobbing.

    I wanted you to know this blog is definitely a way for you to help us grieve. By allowing us into your very personal world, and describing how your days pass, you help us. I feel more connected to you since I cannot be there physically, and for that I am grateful.

    Dreams certainly help one process all sorts of emotions, especially loss. December marked the 17TH anniversary of my Mom’s death, and she still comes to me in my dreams. Dreams of her participating in my life today, laughing with Garry (who she never met), or playing ball with the dogs. It’s comforting now, but in the beginning it was difficult at times. Hang in there.

    Please keep writing. You do it so well. Love, B.

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