Category Archives: bereaved parent

During the summer days, the cemetery stays open until 7pm.  As it begins to get dark earlier, they switch the closing time to 5pm.  Not realizing the hours were changing, I visited Alexander in the early evening and got locked in.  Thankfully, the caretaker was still on the grounds and was able to unlock the gate for me.  I don’t know what I would have done otherwise.

Thursday was a busy day.  In addition to getting locked in the cemetery, I also got an education on taxes.  As usual, Dan and I were among the late filers.  Our accountant called me a couple of weeks ago to tell me that our tax forms had been rejected because of Alexander’s social security number and that we’d have to file manually.

I finally picked up the taxes and while there, I reviewed the rejection note and asked for more explanation.  Our accountant didn’t know specifically why the rejection happened but we both guessed it was because the social security office had been notified of Alexander’s passing.  Apparently, when taxes are filed electronically, the social security numbers are first transmitted to the social security office to verify their validity.  Who knew?  Since I haven’t had the energy to contact them yet, I guess the hospital or medical examiner’s office must have notified them.

I checked online and sure enough there are a few genealogy websites which allow you to search the social security death index (I’m not kidding.  That’s really what it’s called) and Alexander’s name is listed there.  I couldn’t believe there were only 6 Alexander Dodsons in the index.  Aside from our sweet little boy, there were 2 born in the late 1800s and 3 born in the 1900s.

The index even includes the social security number.  With records being so automated and easily checked these days, I guess it’s a little difficult to steal the identity of these folks but still, it seems odd that their numbers are listed.

It made me sad to see Alexander’s name because it was yet another reminder of our loss.

My emotions have been all over the place this week. Tuesday, October 20 marked 10 months that Alexander has been gone. The day itself wasn’t so tough for me. It was the following day that bothered me more.

I had to pack for a trip to Denver for a conference. As I was packing, I began to think about preparing for the same conference last year and all I had to do before leaving. Of course, the biggest job was making sure someone would be here to care of Alexander. Thinking I didn’t have to do that this year and that Alexander wouldn’t be here to greet me on my return just made me so sad.

On the way home from a JL event Wednesday evening, I just couldn’t stop crying. At one point, I thought I might have to pull over because I was slightly blinded by my tears.

I returned from Denver this afternoon.  For the most part, the trip went fine.  There were a few times I needed to excuse myself from conversations because they became too kid centric.  However, I do enjoy being with my fellow NJ delegates so that made the trip better. I heard lots of useful ideas to take back to my JL and I look forward to sharing with my membership.

Alexander’s Run Update
I participated in a webinar earlier this week about organizing a run. The webinar was conducted by the Boston Marathon Race Director but much of what he said could be scaled down for a smaller, first year run like what we’ll doing for Alexander’s Run. I took plenty of notes and have started working on the project plan.