Someone said to us recently that the normal you once knew no longer exists and it’s time for you to construct a new normal. I’ve given this new normal some thought the last couple of days but still don’t know what it’s going to look like.
Today, was a good and bad day.
The cleaning lady came this morning. At first, one would think what’s so bad about that? She usually comes every Wednesday but this is the first time I’ve felt able to have her come since Alexander’s passing. Under my old normal, Wednesday was my day. After the cleaning lady arrived, Alexander and I would get dressed and I’d take him to daycare. I then had 6-7 hours to myself to do what I wanted. More often than not, I used the time to catch up on work, go to the Junior League office and run other small errands. I even got my hair done once or twice. Sometime between 3pm and 4pm, I’d pick up Alexander. We would either come home or go to Barnes and Noble for the kids’ concert. We had fun when we went to those concerts. If it was going to be just the two of us for dinner (because Dan was out of town or playing tennis), we would sometimes have an early dinner at one of the restaurants in the mall. I always felt slightly guilty for putting him in daycare and tried to make up for it by making sure we had a really fun afternoon.
Dan and I set up two funds today. One, the Alexander Michael Dodson Memorial Scholarship Fund and the other, the Dodson Emerson Family Fund. We’re going to concentrate on funding the scholarship fund in Alexander’s name so we can help lighten the financial burden of a family attending the River City Community School in Trenton. We were hoping Alexander would be able to attend this school but since he can’t, this is one small way we can continue to support the school in his name.
After we left the PACF office, both Dan and I got emotional. I continued to be sad as we drove to visit Alexander. As I told him about the day, I broke down again. Things weren’t supposed to happen this way. I had such plans for us this year and beyond.
So, today was bad because it reminded me that another old routine would have to change. It was good because we were able to get the funds set up without stress.