I awoke to a brief moment of happiness morning. Then, I remembered it was another day without Alexander. Could it be that the past 20 months was the dream and the life I’m living now has been the reality all along? When I look around the house and see all the photos of Alexander and remember all the happy times, I know he was very much a real part of my life and continues to be even if he’s not here in physical form.
For some time, Dan and I have discussed that we’d like to have a small family foundation. We thought it’d be a few years from now but have decided to move up the timeline and create a memorial foundation to celebrate Alexander’s life. We’re still working out the details but we hope to have it up and running within a couple of weeks.
Michelle, my heart breaks for you, Dan, and Alexander, too. Although our circumstances are different – we lost our daughter, Catherine, at birth, due to a cord accident, nearly two years ago – I relate to the emotional chaos that happens when your life is one way, one day, and so totally, tragically different the next.
It has nothing to do with wishing anyone else any kind of suffering, but is SO hard to see people happy, celebrating holidays, and even watching them do mundane things. You are standing still, unsure of your footing, and the world is flying by at its normal pace. Your life and the world around you are incongruent.
You are doing the right thing by writing. For you, and for others who have lost children. And also, for little Alexander, who, I am sure can feel your tribute, absolutely.